The Talk We Never Got to Have
by BlueDream1
Summary: What if Jack and Kate had a chance to talk after his surgery?


˝I know that you´re awake

Disclaimer: Lost and the characters are property of TPTB and all the other guys included. :)

Author's note: Just a little thing that popped on my mind a couple of days ago. What if Kate and Jack had a chance to talk after his surgery…?

**The Talk We Never Got To Have**

˝I know that you´re awake. ˝

Jack opened his eyes and looked at the woman standing next to him. He met her eyes and suddenly felt guilty: guilty for deceiving her, for using her…for hurting her. ´Cause she was hurting, that much was obvious.

˝Juliet, I…I don't know what to say, I…˝ he started, but she interrupted him, placing a hand on his chest.

˝You don't have to say anything, Jack, it's not your fault. I've known it since the beginning…known that you would never be able to love me as much as you love her. ˝she said and they both went silent for a moment. ˝That's the fact. Everything else was just illusions…_my_ illusions. ˝she finished, smiling sadly.

Jack looked at her. ˝I _am_ sorry. ˝

Juliet smiled. ˝I know you are. I'm sorry too. ˝she said, placing the pills down on the improvised night stand. ˝I should go get some sleep. ˝she said, getting up. ˝Do you need anything else? ˝

˝I…˝ just started, but cut himself off, realizing it would be too much to ask from her. ˝It doesn't matter. ˝he said quickly and looked away.

Juliet smiled. ˝I'm not that fragile, Jack. I've been through worse. ˝she said, and then added, letting him know that she understood what he wanted to ask her. ˝I'll tell Kate you want to see her. ˝

Jack looked at her. ˝Thank you, Juliet. For everything. ˝

˝You´re welcome. See ya. ˝she said and left the tent.

………..

˝…and Kate…˝Juliet started and Kate turned around. ˝…don't waste time anymore, you saw how deceptive it is. ˝she told her, and then walked away, leaving Kate to stand there, pensive.

………..

˝Knock, knock. ˝

˝Who is it? ˝Jack said, smiling.

˝It's…˝ Kate started, peeking in through the tarp. ˝If I told you that I have never been good with these knock-knock jokes, would I still be allowed to go in? ˝

Jack chuckled; regretting it immediately because the pain shot through his body. _Okay, no laughing._ – he said to himself.

Kate entered the tent. ˝Hey. ˝she said shyly.

˝Hey. ˝Jack replied back. They both smiled.

˝How are you feeling? ˝Kate asked, approaching his bed and placing herself on one of the suitcases that served as chair.

˝Like I just had my appendix got out on a deserted island with barely any medical equipment whatsoever. ˝Jack chuckled.

Kate giggled. Jack looked at her, smiling too. _He loved seeing her laugh. He loved just…seeing her too. Which reminded him on the reason why he wanted her here in the first place._

˝We need to talk, Kate. ˝he said, taking a deep breath. ˝And I think you know about what. ˝

Her head shot up. Their eyes met, but she quickly glanced away.

˝Jack, I don't know what y…˝she started, but he cut her off:

˝I heard your talk with Juliet. ˝he said slowly; then, seeing the surprise on her face, explained: ˝I was awake. And I think there was more to your _Thank you._ than you just being grateful to her for saving my life. ˝

The silence fell across the tent. Jack waited for a couple of seconds for her to say something, but realized that it wouldn't happen any time soon, so he took a deep breath and continued, telling himself that he had to be patient with her.

˝Kate…˝ he started, but she cut him off.

˝Jack, I've had a terrible night and I just can't… I can't….˝she struggled to find the right words.

˝Kate, just listen to me! ˝he said, his voice calm, but firm; and she stopped mumbling, finally bringing herself to look at him. ˝The rescue's on its way. Chances are that in the next couple of days we'll be home again. And when that happens, considering your…your _situation_. ˝he said delicately. ˝…it wont be…it wont be nice. ˝he whispered and she flinched.

_Of course. How could she have forgotten it? Back…´home´, as Jack phrased it, she wasn't Kate, she wasn't someone's friend or even…love. No. She was Katherine Austen, fugitive and criminal, number 961136._

He watched her expression changing from panicked to sad, and he continued, trying to make an eye contact, to let her know that he was there for her. ˝I don't mean to flee away, Kate. I don't mean to just turn away and return to my so-called perfect life. I plan to stay by, Kate. I plan to stand by you and fight, even if it took years. ˝he said and she finally looked up, their eyes locking. ˝But I need to know that I won't be fighting for nothing. I need to know that I won't be waiting for nothing. I need to know that I won't wake up one day and find you not there. I need to know that I won't end up broken-hearted again. I need to know that you love me. I need to _hear_ it. Hear it from your lips. Hear it from _you_. ˝

She kept the eye contact, unable to look away. She could see that his eyes were moist, and she felt a tear escaping her eye too. She turned her head on the left, wiping it away with the edge of her sleeve; then turned back to face him. ˝Jack, I…I can't. ˝she said, and the tears started flowing again, blurring her sight. ˝That's the one thing I can't do. ˝

She watched his face changing from shock, through heartache and disbelief, to finally settle on anger. ˝What the hell _is_ wrong with you, Kate? Huh? I just don't get it anymore. It´s like constantly dealing with the unbreakable wall. You crash down one part, but after every crushed part there's another new one, thicker and stronger than the previous one. ˝

˝Jack…˝ she sobbed, but he continued, not caring for anything anymore: for her sobs, for the pain that's ripping his guts, for… anything.

˝What is it, Kate? Is the thought of you and me as a couple that disgusting to you that you can't even bear to admit what both I and the rest of the beach here knows for a while now? Am I that…˝

˝Can you please let me finish?! ˝she screamed, and it wasn't her words, but the tone of her voice that made him shut up in an instant. _She was on the edge of breaking down_. He looked at her and nodded slowly, encouraging her to continue. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; then started: ˝When I… when I said that it was the only thing I couldn't do, I didn't mean…I didn't mean that I hadn't been feeling like that. ˝she said and looked him straight in the eyes. ˝I meant that I couldn't _say_ it. ˝She noticed the confused expression on his face and she quickened up, wiping her face with her hands and straightening up. ˝I've had a pretty much screwed up life, Jack. So screwed up that they could probably write a move about it. ˝she said, chuckling sadly, and Jack kept silent, afraid even to breathe to not ruin the moment. _She was finally opening up to him_. ˝And the only bright sides of it were Tom, Kevin and my dad. ˝she said, waiting for him to say something, to interrupt her or ask for the explanation; but he did none of it, so she continued. ˝They were the only persons I've ever said those three words to; well, if you don't count my mum, but that's another story. ˝she said and went pensive again; shaking it off after a while and continuing. ˝Anyway, all three of them…all three of the persons I've said the ILY have either died or forced to leave me or abandoned me. ˝she said, and the new tears flew from her eyes, but she ignored them, determined to get everything off of her chest now that she finally started. ˝For that reason, I can't… I can't bring myself to say those words again. Not to you. Not yet. ˝she said, looking him straight in the eyes.

Jack opened his mouth to say something, but Kate interrupted him. ˝But if I told you that, a couple of hours ago, while you were lying here…screaming in agony, if I told you that I would have given anything, anything to save you from pain; if I told you that, later this night, while I was sitting outside, not knowing if you were dead or alive; if I told you that I was cursing myself for not coming out with my feelings earlier, but at the same time being grateful that I hadn't because it meant that there might still be a chance for you, chance that you wouldn't become another victim of my curse…If I told you all of that, could it be enough for you? At least for now? For a while? ˝she asked pleadingly and then finally broke down, all the stress and the pain of the long day, but not just day, but also of so many years of hiding and blaming herself crushing down into one as she buried her head in her hands.

Jack clutched his teeth and used all of his strength to shift a bit on the side of the bed, so that there was space for another person. ˝Come here. ˝he said as he reached his hand around her back, helping her on the bed and then pulling her closer to him. Her head rested on his arm; her back pressing against his chest; his hand wrapped around her waist. And then they just lay like that, him holding her as her body shook in sobs; staying there for her until she cried out everything that she had to cry out. He remained still until he heard her breathing returning to normal. ˝I'm gonna say it for both of us then. ˝he said, brushing the curls out of her forehead. ˝I love you. ˝he whispered, placing the small kiss on the back of her neck. ˝And now let's sleep. We both need it. ˝

And with that said, he returned his hand on the place where it so naturally belonged, around her waist; and they closed their eyes; both as tired and exhausted as they had never been in life; but also as satisfied. _Everything would be alright._

Please R&R. It takes just a couple of seconds, and it can literally put a smile on person's face. ;)


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